As more and more Stupid Heads are submitting material, I am getting better and better laughs out of all of this. I thank Nick the Greek for the follow pictures.
Ever wonder how horrible your son’s future bride would have to be to really really really wish that he run away and join the circus instead of getting married? Well, if you read the invite below, I think the wedding picture that follows may just fit into that category.
I get a good laugh from the folks over at www.overheardintheoffice.com who send out a weekly digest. The premise of the site is that people send in things that they heard in the office. Most of these comments are very good, especially when taken out of context.
Employee: On this new printer I just installed, we can print double sided.
Crazy-haired boss lady: I don’t think I can.
Employee: No, we all can now.
Crazy-haired boss lady: Well, are things double sided on your screen? I don’t have anything that is double sided on my screen, so I can’t print double sided.
Merrillville, Indiana
Overheard by: CJ
Banker #1, sniffing air as banker #2 enters office: Damn, Jon*, what cologne are you wearing?
Banker #2: Calvin Klein.
Banker #1: That smells really good. Damn, if I was gay, I’d be all over you.
Banker #2: (puzzled silence)
Banker #1: Um, yeah, let’s forget I said that.
Hopkinsville, Kentucky
Overheard by: will1966
Associate: It’s my birthday today!
Receptionist: Oh, it’s my little sister’s birthday too, she’s turning one.
Associate: Oh, that’s cute. Is she your mum’s first child?
Sydney
Australia
Security guard in lobby: Ma’am, you need to take the baby out of the pumpkin seat before you put the pumpkin seat through the x-ray machine.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Girl Friday
Doctor to inmate: So what are they accusing you of this time?
Inmate: Oh, they’re not accusing me, I did it.
County Jail Medical Office
Evansville, Indiana
Overheard by: Molly
The following was sent to me by a Stupid Head, and I thought I would share it with you.
You tell me what is sadder:
1) That a company of the size and scale of XXXXXX does not have the tools in place to allow its employees to open the new .docx format for MS Word requiring employees to send stuff home to open on their own PCs to convert.
2) That a company of the size of Microsoft does such BALLSY MONOPOLISTIC moves such as creating new file extensions making it difficult if not impossible for users of “OLD” MS Office editions to open documents produced on their “NEW” office 2007 package.
3) The fact that my little iPhone is able to open both .doc & .docx formats without even cracking a sweat.
This story is old, dating back from last year, but I thought it was so important that it is worth repeating.
Once again the courts were obliged to intervene and rule that a father’s behaviour was unacceptable in the eye of the law.
The judge ruled that even if the 12 year old girl had violated a series of house rules, went on the internet when her father had expressly forbidden it, and posted inappropriate pictures of herself on the web, her father had no right to impose such a harsh treatment on the young girl.
Before I describe the punishment, I must warn the faint of hear to skip to the next paragraph as the actions depicted here are most heinous.
The father told his 12 year old that she couldn’t go on a school field trip. Bastard!
Although we often lambaste lawyers, I really think that we should hold the judges in even more contempt. How could this moron interfere with parental responsibility and state that grounding was too severe of a punishment. Does the judge have his/her head planted to far up their own ass that sh!t smells like roses?
What the fnck where they thinking?
Although I agree that children need to be protected from abuse, I think that our socially agreed upon definition of abuse does not include grounding from a school trip. What sort of message does this send out to the 12 year old girl, or other kids for that matter? It tells them that even judges need to sometimes be timmy-slapped for stupidity above and beyond the call of duty.
Timmy out.
So here I am, minding my own business, trying to get some work done and quickly glance at facebook and notice that one of my friends has become a “fan of cuddling”. Although I have nothing against the practice – I really didn’t think it needed it own domain on facebook. When I mentioned this to my wife, she indicated that she had heard of a new concept on the radio. The {en:cuddle party}.
Yes, a cuddle party. Of course I assume that she had heard this on Wednesday and of course it was a joke. So Timmy goes searching on Google and finds out that there is a thing called a cuddle party and it seems to be taking off in the US. It is described as … well go to Wikipedia and read about it yourself, I can’t bring myself to write it down. I am sitting here shaking my head, not being able to believe that this goes on.
Since when do we need to have clothed orgies? Or am I just being insensitive? Too fncking bad. I can’t even come up with a witty comment as I am too stunned (or more stunned than usual).
Timmy out.